January 14, 2024

On Spreading Joy


I believe wholeheartedly that we, the extra-sensory feelers walking among the rest of the world, have a critical lesson to learn.

Beginning right now, we need to stop spreading joy. I’m serious. It’s a trick, and I will explain.

Spreading joy is the thing I thought I was supposed to be doing about
everyone’s suffering. I thought I was put on this Mother of an Earth to spread joy out into the wide, insatiable, ravenous world.
But, it turns out I was wrong. The world doesn’t need my joy. It doesn’t need my happiness. And the world doesn’t need my gifts.

I do. It belongs to me. End of story.
I need my joy. It is for me. I need the happiness I seek. I need the gifts I have.
They’re mine. What if that, my friends, is their only purpose?

Let’s dig into this a little bit deeper.

We have had it all wrong. It’s not that spreading joy is a thing you have to go out
and do. It’s that when you fill yourself up with joy and KEEP it, it spreads.
“Spread joy!” implies a task. It reads like a subtle command to people-pleasers
to get back to work. But, if you turn it around and say, “Joy spreads.” Well, then
you can rest. Joy spreads. You can relax. It doesn’t need you to do anything at
You can keep your joy.
It’s a gift to you, from you, and for you.

  Growing up I was rewarded for being sweet and for making people feel happy. I learned that people-pleasing meant I was valued. I am a highly intuitive people pleaser.

I internalized that being sweet, nice and sharing my happiness is what I should always do. It is my gift to the world.
I also grew up in the South, where southern kindness is as sweet as the tea we serve. So every step of the way, I was rewarded for being as sweet as my little heart could muster. I offered (and still offer) heaps and heaps of sweetness onto everybody.

Now, I know what you’re saying. Being kind, spreading joy and being gentle and polite is GOOD…right?
Absolutely it is.

But I, or maybe “we” if your neck is sore from nodding along profusely, overcompensated.

We overcompensated. We tipped the scales too far towards being sweet and kind and sugary and soothing and spreading our joy and happiness all over everything. I mean, it feels so good. It lifts me up when my happiness has a
purpose. And it lifts up everyone around me, too.

I lift as much and as often as I can. And it keeps going. In my family and in the south in general we collectively keep lifting.
When one person’s arms get tired, there’s always another southerner around who will notice and take over lifting while we sit out a minute. The collective southern woman is like Sisyphus, punished by Zeus to keep rolling the boulder up the hill for eternity.

Stop spreading joy in an effort to lift. Stop lifting.


What if your joy is just for you to enjoy alone without sharing it? What if seeking happiness doesn’t have a single other purpose beyond your own isolated, momentary delight? What if when your eyes light up, it is not for show?

I am a dream expert, so it’s not surprising that I’d be bringing up dreams, but this is truly, actually where the revelation happened for me. 

A dream cannot ever be shared. Ever. I can tell you I had a dream about a lion but you will only ever experience your lion, not mine. My lion in my dream is mine alone. Somehow, paying attention to my dreams meant I was paying attention only to me and only for me. When I encounter a dream, I am encountering a sacred temple that is only open to me.
I am the sole keeper of my dreams; I am the sole audience; and I am the sole reason for them to exist.

The encounter of this realization, dream after dream, eventually proved my worth to me. I learned how to marvel at myself. I learned to enjoy the pursuit of my own experiences for no reason beyond my interest in it; and because my lion couldn’t be shared, I learned how NOT to spread joy. I learned how to keep it.

Yes, I have a brand built around this work. So it seems like I am spreading it. But the truth is, I am 100% sure of my own joy and so it spreads. I don’t need to do anything with it, and so sharing with you costs me none of my
own joy and happiness. I am not inflating it so you can have some. I’m just being joyful so you can see it.

If all my business, followers, subscribers, clients and programs went away tomorrow; my joy, happiness and gifts would remain unchanged. I know on the deepest level and without a shadow of a doubt that I do not owe
my joy to anyone. I belong to me. I pursue me relentlessly and it doesn’t make me selfish. I don’t owe myself to anyone and I am free to fill up with as much joy as my little heart can muster. I’m a highly intuitive joy seeker. And I can’t give that away. I can only treat it with reverence so that it radiates outward from my loving of it.

Pam Muller is a dream expert, spiritual director and empath. Her professional career of helping people learn to feel more and fear less by teaching about dream work and emotional learning along the spiritual journey has spanned more than 15 years. She loves making content that resonates and inspires people almost more than she loves living with her spouse and teenage son and their dog, Baxter. Not quite more, but almost.
Instagram: sweetgeorgiapam

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  1. Penny overcash

    Thank you for bringing this path to us now when the world in is in such unstable and dangerous times. It is important beyond measure and much lifting for the soul and spirit which we all need. A wakening for us all. Thank you for sharing in all the various ways that you put your energy and time into helping us all cope and hopefully keeping us all on the path to love and joy as we see fit. Thank you.

    • Kate

      I’m very glad that this is a help for you, and others. We’re all in this world together, and we all need each other.


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